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Article Index
One More Abandonment Will Lead To Recovery
How Does Change Occur?
Recognizing Recovery
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The reality that you must experience yet another abandonment in order to recover from Borderline Personality Disorder is explored.

A borderline who cannot recognize or who refuses to recognize and subsequently articulate his/her intra-psychic pain is stuck. Even in a therapeutic situation or relationship there is little that can be done until the borderline develops a certain amount of self-awareness. Each person with BPD must cultivate what Linehan refers to as an attitude of "willingness" versus "willfulness" which she points out in the Distress Tolerance Module of her DBT Skills Training - the module which contains Linehan's Radical Acceptance information.

The practice of Radical Acceptance is the way to cultivating a willing attitude. There must be a willingness on the part of the borderline to admit and acknowledge that much of what she thinks she knows and much of her relational style is:

1. a re-enactment of past trauma
2. not age-appropriate and
3. further alienating him/her from self and others which then causes even more pain that is "felt" and expressed in destructive self-sabotaging ways; namely through rage, push/pull, needy-demandingness, lying, sudden cold distancing, manipulation and so forth.

The Challenges to Change in Borderline Personality Disorder

Abandonment, perceived or actual abandonment and its accompanying shame is at the heart of BPD. Both the devastation of one's past abandonment and one's fear of future abandonment coupled with all of borderline's shame create distrust of self in the borderline and distrust of others that fuel negative patterns of thinking that are based in the past and that are re-experienced in ways that obliterate the here and now when the person with BPD is triggered into the often fragmented and dissociative dysregulated emotion that perpetuate one's sense of being victimized and that obliterate one's ability to find hope. This abandonment wound in BPD is one of the most, if not the most significant challenges to the kind of change needed for those with BPD to get on and stay on the road to recovery.

Does this mean that one can never change?

For the time that one stays reticent and holds to one's cognitively-distorted beliefs it would be highly unlikely that one could then change. If one continues to perpetuate his/her "victim mentality" and does not choose to take personal responsibility one will continue to live out one's past as well as visit it upon others. However, once borderlines begin to understand that there are aspects of their behaviour and relational styles that are further defeating their attempts to have their needs met -- and begin to be open to taking a look at what they are doing and how they are affecting others, change is then not only possible but it is a natural consequence of such self-examination.

Disorders - Borderline Personality Disorder