Asperger Syndrome is an Autism Spectrum Disorder (or Pervasive Developmental Disorder) characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviors and interests. Those with Asperger Syndrome, or AS, may exhibit a lack of empathy for their peers, clumsiness, and atypical use of language, though none of these symptoms are required for a diagnosis.1
The pain of coming to terms with having Asperger's is still very real for me right now. There is a tremendous sense of grief. Grief for all that I suffered through to try to be "normal" and grief for how short of "normal" I always have been. There is also great relief to know that I am not crazy and that not everything can be traced back to an abusive past in the sense that some of what I experience is not choice/emotional but neurons/physical. The greatest challenge I face right now is trying to figure out which is which. This is not easy.
One of the most common side effects of a number of antidepressant medications is loss of sex drive. I could forgive our friends at fine companies such as Eli Lilly, Bristol Meyers Squibb, and Pfizer if dry mouth, irritability, disrupted sleep patterns, loss of appetite, sloth, and social phobia were the sole issues related to the medications I take on a daily basis. However, it is the sex thing I find most challenging.
Anhedonia is the technical term for the inability to experience joy. When people are in the depths of depression, nothing touches them, not the most intensely pleasurable activities, not the most familiar comforts. They are emotionally frozen. In this state, people either have to get professional help or simply wait for weeks or months until the depression lifts by itself; nothing is going to make them feel better.
Schizophrenia is a mental illness which affects one person in every hundred.
Depression is perhaps the most common of all mental health problems, currently felt to affect one in every four adults to some degree. Depression is a problem with mood/feeling in which the mood is described as sad, feeling down in the dumps, being blue, or feeling low. While the depressed mood is present, evidence is also present which reflects the neurochemical or "brain chemistry" aspects of depression with the depressed individual experiencing poor concentration/attention, loss of energy, accelerated thought/worry, sleep/appetite disturbance, and other physical manifestations. When this diagnosis is present, the individual will exhibit at least five of the following symptoms during the depressive periods:
Most feelings of depression is caused by some form of self-abandonment. The depression is your inner self's way of letting you know that you are abandoning yourself.
Most people want to believe that their depression is being caused by the past, by other people, or by events, but these are not the cause of most depression.
There are three levels of self-abandonment.
1. Self-judgment and Other Lies
The first level of self-abandonment is the self-judgments and other lies we tell ourselves. Do you ever tell yourself any of these lies and judgments?
Telling yourself these lies and judgments is like telling them to a small child. The child would feel very depressed at hearing these statements from you. Likewise, your inner child - which is your feeling self - feels depressed when you judge yourself and lie to yourself.
2. Ignoring the Feelings You Are Creating with the Self Judgments
The second level of self-abandonment is ignoring the pain you are causing by your self-judgment. You might further lie to yourself by telling yourself that your pain is being caused by others, the past, or circumstances, rather than by your own self-judgments and lies.
When you ignore the feelings you are causing, the message to your inner child is that he or she is not important to you. His or her feelings don't matter. Now you not only feel the anxiety or depression coming from your lies and self-judgments, but you exacerbate your painful feelings by ignoring the feelings that you are creating.
3. Turning to addictions - Approval, Sex, Substances, Processes
Now you feel intense anxiety, depression, anger, hurt, and so on, and you further abandon yourself by turning to various addictions to numb out the pain and avoid responsibility for it.
Since you are doing anything but loving yourself and your inner child always needs love - or at least some way of filling up the inner emptiness and aloneness - your ego wounded self now turns to old learned addictive ways of avoiding pain. You might pull on someone to give you attention or approval. You might try to get someone to have sex with you, or masturbate to Internet porn. You might turn to substances: food, sugar, nicotine, caffeine, drugs or alcohol - which might temporarily alleviate anxiety or depression, but may also become a physical cause of depression. Or, you might turn to processes such as TV, work, or gambling.
Turning to any of these addictions pacifies the pain for the moment - which is how they become addictions - but because they are all ways of abandoning oneself, they only lead to more pain in the long run.
Now you are not only in pain from the self-judgments and then ignoring your feelings, but now you are in deeper pain from making others responsible for your feelings or numbing them out with substances and processes.
You are stuck in the vicious cycle of self-abandonment that feeds upon itself. You will not get out of this cycle until you stop abandoning yourself and instead move into a deep desire to learn about loving yourself instead of abandoning yourself. To begin this process, you can access our free Inner Bonding® course at http://www.innerbonding.com.
Summit Helps accepts most insurance plans for outpatient addiction treatment.
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