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Confessions of a Social Anxiety Sufferer
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Social Anxiety Disorder is an overall fear of social situations; especially of yourself being the centre of attention. Because paranoid negative thoughts are intrusive the person often finds it difficult to interact with people. This is very frustrating as sufferers want to make new friends but their fears of being judged and being disliked hinder their ability to do so.

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I arranged to interview a member a Social Anxiety web site about her experience of suffering from SA. She was willing to be interviewed but wished to remain anonymous. I am very grateful to her their contributions. For these purposes let's call her Jenny.

Jenny was sixteen when she realised that she had a problem with social interaction, but had never felt comfortable with it. "Everyone seemed to hate me", says Jenny, "and know one ever gave me the chance to get to know them. It was as if they took an instant dislike to me". When asked why she thought this Jenny continued, "Maybe they took my quietness for arrogance or they thought I was extremely ugly". "I'm not sure if I am ugly, but, apparently It's common for people with SA to think they are".

Jenny was in her early twenties when she finally plucked up the courage to go to the doctors for assessment by a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, CBT for short. When asked what she felt to finally know why she had the feelings she had. "It was fantastic to have a label", she replied. "At least I wasn't insane, as I thought".

From my own personal experience I was told my feelings of embarrassment and isolation were simply due to my shyness. Jenny laughed out of recognition with her self when I recollected my situation. "People always told me that my feelings were normal for someone my age but by the age of 17 they hadn't gone away so I figured they were here to stay".

When I asked her what was her biggest fear; without hesitation she said "people!". After a moment she expanded on this rather vague statement by explaining what situations in particular worried her. "I'm scared to walk down the street" [on her own] "especially if someone is walking towards or behind me. I can feel their eyes pushing my eyes towards the ground. Quite often when there are people on the same side of the street I cross over because im scared of walking past them. They may think I smell or judge me in some other negative way".

In Jenny's case she has a considerable fear of her neighbours, not so much because of whom they are, but because they are another thing for her to worry about. "Living on my street has become a total nightmare. There is one family who lives across the road from me who I particularly find intimidating. I used to be best friends with the families daughter while I was at school. But for many years I've been terrified to talk to them. At least once a day I come within inches of them and have been to scared to even look them in the eye. The other day I bumped into the mother in town but she wouldn't look at me and I was to scared to say anything to her. They probably, and why should they, think twice about me. But I'm now too scared to even look out of my bedroom window in case one of them is there.

I have heard of people fearing eating in public and of blushing because of SA but other symptoms are common too. Jenny peeked at my questions before I got to them and started replying. "I suffer a lot from nervous sweating. Quite often after walking down the street I have to change my clothes as they are soaking wet. That makes my anxiety even worse because I will be thinking that others will be saying, "Why is she sweating in February? It's freezing cold!".

"I have never, until recently, voluntary gone out of the house; especially at night. The reason for that was because I'm scared how people act when they are drunk. They have fewer inhibitions and may start telling me the horrible things they really think about me. It's only the past eight weeks or so that I've been going out at night, and enjoying it. Jenny said the only reason she could do this now was because of treatment she received from her Cognitive Behavioural Therapist.

We have already touched on what Jenny thinks people think of her but what does she think when she walks into a crowded room? "Everyone is watching me and I am scared that I will do something really stupid like faint. I'm also worried that I'll start to shake and that everyone is thinking I'm really weird. When I sat at the front of the class at school I could feel all these eyes boring into my flesh, which made me, sweat more. My anxiety wasn't helped by the fact that someone who should have been considerate, my second cousin, actually pointed out the fact that my chair was always wet with sweat after I'd been sitting there. This led to a fear of this happening every time I sat down.

Disorders - Social Anxiety Disorder