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It Had To Happen This Way: A Memoir by Kay Kopit

Sat, 29 Oct 2011 15:42:27 +0000

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A survivor writing from personal experience, Kay Kopit brings an authentic voice to co-dependency and addictions, healing from sexual assault, denial and guilt. What she develops in the pages of It Had To Happen This Way is how she talks honestly about the internal pain of sexual violence and the chaotic life of alcoholism. After reading this authentic narrative you will find the strength and courage needed to overcome those fears that are holding you back from having a healthy life.

It Had To Happen This Way is more than a book about surviving emotional and spiritual devastation. It is about championing, defeating and reclaiming a life. This is an intimate, true story of courage, hope and healing. It Had To Happen This Way is a message of hope and inspires us to follow our own paths. Buy the e-book for yourself and loved ones at www.Amazon.com, www.BarnesandNoble.com, and www.KayKopit.com.

The Devastation of Inner Emptiness

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 05:32:35 +0000

One of the sad truths in our society is how empty many people feel, and the devastation their emptiness causes others through their resulting addictive behavior.

We have all heard about the sexual acting-out of Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton and John Edwards. We all know about the many famous people who end up in treatment centers for alcohol and drug addiction.

Burned by Coffee or Burned by Heartbreak - They Feel the Same

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 00:58:42 +0000

"Science has finally confirmed what anyone who's ever been in love already knows: Heartbreak really does hurt."
Burn and Heartbreak Same to Brain

"In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain networks that are activated when you're burned by hot coffee also light up when you think about a lover who has spurned you.

In other words, the brain doesn't appear to firmly distinguish between physical pain and intense emotional pain. Heartache and painful breakups are "more than just metaphors," says Ethan Kross, Ph.D., the lead researcher and an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, in Ann Arbor."

"If You Really Loved Me, You Wouldn't..."

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 02:28:19 +0000

How often have you had the thought, "If you really loved me, you wouldn't...

Get angry, yell, curse, call names, say mean, untrue things about me
Project your behavior onto me
Withdraw, run away, shut down, sit spaced-out in front of the TV
Resist doing what I ask you to do
Look at other women, have an affair
____________________ (fill in your own)

Are You or Your Partner Possessive?

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 03:46:34 +0000

"I freak out when my husband even looks at another woman. I trust him not to wander, so I don't know why this upsets me so much."

"My partner spends too much time with her friends and family. What's the point of being together if she's always gone a couple of nights a week?"

"My wife wants to go back to school now that the children are older. She doesn't need to work, so why does she want to do this? It's going to take up way too much of her time."

Antisocial Behavior Disorder: The inside looking out.

wiccandreams9999@yahoo.com ({ga=wiccandreams}) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 19:16:58 +0000

Antisocial personality disorder has been something of a mystery when it comes to knowing what is going on inside their heads. Many have wondered what they are thinking or feeling. Do they even feel empathy for others? Perhaps some are wondering if it is just a disorder of children and that they will simply grow out of it as they reach adulthood. I wanted to come out of the shadows to let others know a little more about this disorder; Not so much what is read in textbooks or from psychologists, but through the eyes of someone who suffers from this disorder.

Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner?

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 21:18:23 +0000

"We can't seem to connect anymore."

This is one of the most common complaints I hear in my counseling practice.

We all know that it is generally easy to connect at the beginning of a relationship - before all the protections and defenses come up. But what do you do to reconnect once you feel disconnected from each other?

In order to answer this, let's first look at what creates disconnection.

10 Rules For Dealing with Angry Children

nso@legpub.com ({ga=james-lehman-msw}) — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 16:10:14 +0000

Mikayla, age 13, has just been told she can’t go to her friend’s house. “You need to clean your room first,” says her mom, “You promised to do that, remember?”

Mikayla gets in her mother’s face and screams, “You’re the meanest mom in the world! I hate you!” She turns and runs into her bedroom, slamming the door.

“That’s it! You’re grounded, young lady,” her mom shouts back. She’s left feeling exhausted and defeated, and unsure if she’s done the right thing.

If you’re a parent, odds are you’ve been there. Why do we often engage in shouting matches with our kids—or freeze up, not knowing what to do—when an angry outburst occurs? Read on to learn the 10 rules of dealing with an angry child.

Psychopathic Narcissists: The Uncanny Valley of Cold Empathy

palma@unet.com.mk ({ga=sam-vaknin}) — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 14:23:31 +0000

Cold Empathy evokes the concept of “Uncanny Valley”, coined in 1970 by the Japanese roboticist Masahiro Mori. Mori suggested that people react positively to androids (humanlike robots) for as long as they differ from real humans in meaningful and discernible ways. But the minute these contraptions come to resemble humans uncannily, though imperfectly, human observers tend to experience repulsion, revulsion, and other negative emotions, including fear.

Dancing as an Evolutionary Strategy

palma@unet.com.mk ({ga=sam-vaknin}) — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 15:24:28 +0000

Dances are thinly disguised simulations of sex acts. But there's more to dancing than bawdy ribaldry. The sweaty proximity allows the partners to exchange an enormous amount of information about their respective bodies: from joint suppleness, through spatial orientation and coordination, and down to the fine details of their immunological systems (such as the major histocompatibility complex MHC) carried by their body odours. In this sense, dancing aids and abets the forces of natural selection and eugenic breeding. Indeed, in many 16^th and 17^th century textbooks dancing is grouped with hunting, fighting, wrestling, and running.

Discover Your Level of Narcissism

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 04:30:55 +0000

All of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone's ego wounded self, it is helpful to your personal growth and development to be aware of your own level of narcissism.

Why Don't You Speak Up For Yourself?

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 04:29:36 +0000

My counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question, "Why didn't you speak up for yourself?" here are the most common answers I receive:

What to do When You Can't Communicate

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 02:46:44 +0000

What do you usually do when you get stuck with someone and can't communicate?

Narcissists and Hotel Maids: The Strauss-Kahn Affair and Beyond

palma@unet.com.mk ({ga=sam-vaknin}) — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 15:20:22 +0000

Dominique Staruss-Kahn, the scandal-ridden former head of the International Monetary Fund (IMF) is entitled to the presumption of innocence until proven guilty. But, if he did try to rape the hotel maid in New-York in May 2011, his behavior would conform to the type of misconduct common among malignant narcissists.

A Quick Look At Psychotherapy

yazeedst@yahoo.com.sg (Yaz) — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 15:26:13 +0000

What is psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy is a valuable tool to cope not only with all forms of human suffering such as life crisis, biological and existential conflicts, personal and interpersonal difficulties, physical and genetic diseases, psychopathological disorders, psychosomatic disorders, etc.When to see a psychologist?

"I Feel Trapped"

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 03:09:58 +0000

"I can't seem to stop snacking," said Linda, in our phone session. "And I can't figure out why. I don't overeat during meals, but then I snack on things that I don't need to be eating. I've had this issue on and off since adolescence and I want to resolve it."

"Linda, right now, take yourself back to the last time you snacked. See if you can tune into what was going on and what you were feeling."

"No One Appreciates Me"

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 04:37:53 +0000

Have you ever hear yourself say, or said to yourself, "No one appreciates me."

I used to say this to myself all the time. I was constantly giving myself up to please others, and then ended up feeling completely unappreciated and resentful - until I learned how to take loving care of myself and appreciate myself.

Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws?

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 03:30:41 +0000

A member of our website asked this question in our advice section:

I've read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about "chasing"after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, right? If someone is pulling away and the urge to chase after them comes up, what is the best thing to do in this situation? Thanks!

"I Can't Do It"

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 19:19:40 +0000

"He can who thinks he can, and he can't who thinks he can't. This is an indisputable law." - Henry Ford

Have you ever noticed how often you say, "I can't"?

"I can't lose weight."
"I can't find my soul mate."
"I can't find a job I love."
"I can't take care of myself."
"I can't heal this shame."
"I can't get myself to exercise."
"I can't find my passion."

The Law of Love

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 19:18:18 +0000

I have learned over my 43 years of counseling that no one heals without a personal connection to a spiritual source of Guidance.

William was struggling with issues of shame and depression. He had struggled with feelings of insecurity and jealousy most of his life, despite years of inner work. While he intellectually knew that he was okay, emotionally he never felt it. This was his first phone session with me.

A Brief Overview Of Trichotillomania

yazeedst@yahoo.com.sg (Yaz) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 16:51:19 +0000

Trichotillomania refers to an irresistible urge, or compulsion to pull hair out of your scalp, pulling out eyelashes, eyebrows, or other, and more private areas of your body. This urge can range from mild and occasional, to constant and overwhelming. When severe, this disorder can be quite obvious and embarrassing, especially when it results in bald patches on the scalp or loss of eyebrows and/or eyelashes.

A Quick Overview Of The Strange World Of OCD

yazeedst@yahoo.com.sg (Yaz) — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 18:40:53 +0000

OCD or Obsessive compulsive disorder is a psychological disorder that could be based on ones behavior. The behavior commonly exhibited by patients with OCD, is fear. The fear they feel is so extreme and illogical that it causes anxiety to the point that it makes it hard for the individual to function and think properly. As hopeless as they may feel, there are many treatments to choose from for this disorder but the most important action to take is know the symptoms and get help from a physician as soon as possible.

Relationships: Attract at Your Common Level of Self-Love

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 02:52:04 +0000

Marty tells me in a phone session,"Susan is always criticizing me. How do I get her to stop?"

Fiona tells me in a phone session,"Jeff is often withdrawn. I feel so angry about this."

5 Reasons Why You Might Want to End Your Relationship

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Thu, 26 May 2011 05:04:14 +0000

When I married my ex-husband in 1963, I was determined to create a stable, loving relationship. I wanted an intact family where we could raise our children and share the joys of our grandchildren.

We did raise our children together, but ended the marriage after 30 years. We do get to share the joys of our grandchildren, but as friends rather than partners.

I Don't Deserve to be Loved

margaret@innerbonding.com ({ga=margaret-paul-phd}) — Fri, 20 May 2011 00:54:37 +0000

Have you ever said to yourself, "The reason God doesn't love me is I don't deserve to be loved?"

Have you ever looked inside to discover why you might not be loving to yourself and answered with, "I'm not worthy of love"?