Who is your loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder - really? Does he or she sometimes act kind or caring and then on a dime, out of nowhere, either rage or disengage, detach, and give you the silent treatment? Does he or she emotionally and verbally punish you with verbal abuse? Does your loved one have a very low frustration tolerance for any frustrated want or need? Does your borderline loved one have to be right? Is he or she incapable of being disagreed with?
If you have Borderline Personality Disorder, do you you know who you really are? Are you aware of the many ways that you are hurting not only those around you but yourself? Do you still need to take the journey from False Self to Your Authentic Self?
A.J. Mahari has a new ebook available now called, Punishment and Revenge In Borderline Personality Disorder – The Unmastered Talionic Impulse In BPD – What Loved Ones Need To Know. This ebook includes 5 chapters and 161 pages of illuminating information offered through Mahari’s inside out awareness of the various aspects and issues that make up the foundation of the manifestation of the punishment and revenge that many borderlines seek against their loved ones.
"In this in depth ebook, A.J. Mahari masterfully explains how and why those with Borderline Personality Disorder punish others and seek revenge on those closest to them. Mahari gives the loved ones of those with BPD an inside out understanding of punishment and revenge in BPD." – Joan Van Vork, M.S.W.
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It is very common for those who are non-personality disordered to be very confused by this alternating punishment/revenge/rage/anger/silent treatment and then "okayness" or calmness and relative civility. It leaves loved ones exhausted, feeling lost to themselves often, frustrated, hurt, and in some cases feeling like maybe they are losing their minds. Many wonder if the person in their lives with BPD is actually two or more people because the attitudes and behavior displayed in the all-bad side of the splitting cycle are so mean, cruel, often abusive, and so unlike who they thought their loved one was or who they still hope the loved one really is.
Is it his or her way or the highway? Is it his or her way or cycles of punishment and revenge? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells? Do you feel damned if you do and damned if you don’t, confused if all goes well and confused when it all goes to hell in a handbasket in a heartbeat?
Punishment and revenge are central to the manifestation of what Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is and means when it comes to relationships. The struggle of those with BPD relationally, is rooted in a proverbial no-win situation. Borderlines do not know how to cope with intimacy - it leaves them feeling engulfed. Borderline don't know how to cope with healthy distance (the moving in and out between the two) in a relationship either because it triggers feelings of abandonment. Either way, what borderlines end up feeling is treated unfairly. Whatever lands in the unfair category in the mind of someone with BPD will be fuel for the fire of punishment and/or revenge.
For both loved ones, and indeed those with BPD a toxic relational dynamic emerges and is repeated in cyclical and patterned ways. This toxic relational dynamic revolves around the punishment and revenge sought by those who have Borderline Personality Disorder. Again, for both those with BPD and their loved ones, understanding more about the roots and reasons for the punishment and revenge that is the culmination of so many of the traits and defense mechanisms of BPD can and will help you to gain much more insight into effective ways to cope. Loved ones need to understand how and why trying to change or rescue someone with BPD often only serves to enhance their continued suffering. Borderlines need to become more aware of how and why they punish and seek revenge and how that effects those they desire to be close to.
© A.J. Mahari, December 31, 2009 - All rights reserved.
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