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  • Asperger's Syndrome in Adults
  • Working To Come To Terms with Asperger's
  • Sex and Depression - The Real Story
  • The Loss of Joy: Anhedonia
  • All About Schizophrenia
  • Depression: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

Asperger Syndrome is an Autism Spectrum Disorder (or Pervasive Developmental Disorder) characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviors and interests. Those with Asperger Syndrome, or AS, may exhibit a lack of empathy for their peers, clumsiness, and atypical use of language, though none of these symptoms are required for a diagnosis.1

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The pain of coming to terms with having Asperger's is still very real for me right now. There is a tremendous sense of grief. Grief for all that I suffered through to try to be "normal" and grief for how short of "normal" I always have been. There is also great relief to know that I am not crazy and that not everything can be traced back to an abusive past in the sense that some of what I experience is not choice/emotional but neurons/physical. The greatest challenge I face right now is trying to figure out which is which. This is not easy.

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One of the most common side effects of a number of antidepressant medications is loss of sex drive. I could forgive our friends at fine companies such as Eli Lilly, Bristol Meyers Squibb, and Pfizer if dry mouth, irritability, disrupted sleep patterns, loss of appetite, sloth, and social phobia were the sole issues related to the medications I take on a daily basis. However, it is the sex thing I find most challenging.

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Sadness

Anhedonia is the technical term for the inability to experience joy. When people are in the depths of depression, nothing touches them, not the most intensely pleasurable activities, not the most familiar comforts. They are emotionally frozen. In this state, people either have to get professional help or simply wait for weeks or months until the depression lifts by itself; nothing is going to make them feel better.

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Schizophrenia is a mental illness which affects one person in every hundred.

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Depression is perhaps the most common of all mental health problems, currently felt to affect one in every four adults to some degree. Depression is a problem with mood/feeling in which the mood is described as sad, feeling down in the dumps, being blue, or feeling low. While the depressed mood is present, evidence is also present which reflects the neurochemical or "brain chemistry" aspects of depression with the depressed individual experiencing poor concentration/attention, loss of energy, accelerated thought/worry, sleep/appetite disturbance, and other physical manifestations. When this diagnosis is present, the individual will exhibit at least five of the following symptoms during the depressive periods:

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Is it wrong to be in a relationship because the sex is satisfying?

Jill has a problem. "I've been dating Steve for four months now, but we really don't have that much in common - except for the sex," she admits. " I've never been with a man who gratifies me in the way that he does. When we have sex, it's like the fourth of July and Christmas all wrapped up into one. Just thinking about it now turns me on. I mean the sex is soooo good!"

Xavier reports a similar problem. "She's a lawyer and I am a construction worker, it's not like we have a great deal to talk about, " he remarks. "But when she sleeps over at my place, let's just say that we don't get much rest. I mean sexually, we are on the same page - but that's about it. It's not like we are in love or anything."

Can you relate? If so, then welcome to the elite club of the sexually attached couples. In this relational scenario, the primary experience that binds the couple together is sex and is generally devoid of love. Similar to infatuation, sexually attached couples experience high levels of passion, with low levels of intimacy and emotion. This begs the questions: "Is it wrong to be in a relationship with someone based purely on good sex?"

The simple answer is no, however it is a bit more complicated then that. So how do you really know if this kind of relationship is healthy? To answer this question, it may help to examine your motivations and feelings.

Consider asking yourself the following five questions.

  1. Do I feel depressed after having sex?
  2. Does my partner want more from the relationship than just sex?
  3. Is their something personal going on in your life right now by which having a sexually stimulating experience relieves stress?
  4. Have you recently broken up with another person and have found yourself using sex as a means to cope with the emotional loss?
  5. Are you "hooked on the look" of your partner - meaning that you feel validated because he or she is attached to your arm?

If you found yourself answering "YES" to any of these questions, then it may be time to consider if this is truly the kind of relationship you want to be in. To be sure, there is nothing wrong with "sexually clicking" with another person and wanting to be physically stimulated. This is because we are all human beings and have certain "needs" that need to be attended to from time to time. But if the relationship is based solely on sex and is void of an emotional connection, then anticipate serious problems down the road. Why is this true? For the simple reason that at some point, the "fireworks in the bedroom" become less brilliant and you are eventually left with emptiness. In order for a healthy relationship to survive the long term, the ingredients of commitment, shared interests and good sex must be part of the relational equation. That said, if you have found yourself involved in a sexually attached relationship, seriously examine the motivations behind your desire to be with this person and don't be afraid to examine the physical connection vs. the emotional one. In the final analysis, you might just find that you have saved yourself a world of heartache and pain.

So go ahead, enjoy having sex with your partner and celebrate the fact that the "Sex is soooo good!" Just try to keep things in perspective. Who knows - in the future you just might find that "Prince Charming" or "Snow White" and go onto to build the relationship of your dreams!

Copyright © 2002 by John D. Moore, MS, CADC
Parent Category: Topics
Category: Relationships

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