These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers as they begin to understand codependency and may aid those who have been in recovery a while determining what traits still need attention and transformation.

Denial Patterns:

• I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
• I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
• I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:

• I have difficulty making decisions.
• I judge everything I think, say, or do harshly, as never "good enough."
• I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
• I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
• I value other's approval of my thinking, feelings, and behaviors over my own.
• I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:

• I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
• I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
• I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
• I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am often afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
• I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
• I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:

• I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
• I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
• I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
• I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
• I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
• I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
• I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

Characteristics of Codependent People

1. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This in turn enabled us not to look too closely at our faults.
2. We "stuff" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts too much.
3. We are isolated from and afraid of people and authority figures.
4. We have become approval seekers and have lost our identity in the process.
5. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
6. We live from the viewpoint of victims and are attacked by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
7. We judge ourselves harshly and have a low sense of self esteem.
8. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment. We will do anything to hold onto a relationship in order to not experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with people who were never there emotionally for us.
9. We experience guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
10. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can pity and rescue.
11. We have either become chemically dependent, married one or both, or found another compulsive personality, such a workaholic to fulfill our own compulsive needs.
12. We have become addicted to excitement.
13. We are reactors in life rather than actors.

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