My husband and I have been happily married for 17 years. What makes our relationship unique is that Bryan was born in 1960 the year after I graduated high school. He is 19 years my junior; I am older than his mother. The secret of our success is a deeply committed love for one another. Ours is a passionate romance. Each of us is whole, happy and healthy. Bryan and I have a love that keeps my spirit young. I am sharing our story to give older women hope that they too can find peace and love with a younger man.

We met in 1985 during a rainy winter in San Francisco. We were neighbors on a tiny street near the historic Mission Dolores. The worst storm of the season was on its way and my roof was leaking profusely. I was in dire straits financially, having been newly divorced. I was preparing to fix it myself. Unfortunately my ladder wasn't tall enough. I needed help. None of the folks I knew were home that Saturday morning but I noticed an open door directly across from my house. I hurried upstairs to the second story flat in the azure painted duplex and walked down the long corridor to the living room. There on the sofa was a guy watching the football game on T.V. I introduced myself and then proceeded to ask for his assistance. He looked at me like I was crazy. The silence was deafening. How often does a stranger enter your apartment with a request for help with a major repair? I was flushed with embarrassment but was in too deep to recover. Fortunately he agreed to help me.

This uncommon beginning signaled the magic that lay before us. The sparks flew. We went on our first date within days of this meeting. Bryan's car was broken so we took the bus across the city to an authentic Moroccan restaurant where we sat on paisley cushions and ate with our fingers. I remember clearly how primitive this felt and how natural it was to be with him. He didn't seem the least bit concerned about my age. I, on the other hand, was more sensitive. I was healing from a codependent relationship of 12 years and had never experienced true intimacy. I wasn't sure it was the proper thing to do but I couldn't help myself; I was falling in love. I was scared because these feelings were coming so quickly.

Bryan moved in with me within weeks of our first meeting. I remember thinking if it didn't work out it would be easy to ask him to leave because all he owned was a T.V.

For Valentine's Day he created a hanging wire mobile in the shape of intertwined hearts and presented it to me with flowers and chocolate.

This type of thoughtful gesture is typical of Bryan. He has never missed a special occasion and has often surprised me with jewelry when he returns from a business trip.

One evening in the spring we were waiting to board a dinner train in Mendocino. A drunken man approached us and said, "How come you two are dressed up? Are you getting married?" Bryan looked at me and said, "Yes, we are aren't we?" That was his proposal. It was decided we would plan a wedding for later that year. But, first I needed to meet Bryan's mother.

Just the thought of it terrified me! Bryan and his mother, Sharon, have a truly special bond. He insisted he would not tell anyone about our engagement until she and I met. We drove to southern California where Sharon was visiting her sister, Bryan's aunt. I felt sick the entire trip. I knew in advance he was going to take his mother shopping the next morning alone to break the news to her. I couldn't sleep at all that night. What felt so "right" to Bryan and me was unusual, especially in the eyes of a parent. When they returned from their excursion Sharon looked like she had just come from a funeral. Fortunately, for me, Aunt Toby accepted the situation and eased the tension by giving me a white angel ornament. His mother is a wonderful woman. In spite of her disappointment, she welcomed me into their family. Over the years our relationship has evolved into a unique friendship, a cross between a peer and a sister.

December 7, 1986, dressed in an ivory colored Victorian gown, I was driven to our wedding in a horse drawn carriage. I remember the sensation well. As I heard the clip-pity clop of the hoofs hitting the pavement I felt it was the happiest day of my life. The ride was several miles long and I enjoyed cars honking loudly at every turn. When we arrived at the elegant Alamo Square Inn Bryan was waiting to escort me inside to the nuptials. It was a good thing he took my hand, for as I exited the carriage, my knees collapsed from shaking so hard. The day was spectacular marking a lifetime of love.

Both Bryan and I had always wanted kids. By the time we met my biological clock had run out. He told me he would rather marry a woman he loved deeply than to wait for someone to bear his children. For several years we were content to be a unit of two. After my dear Aunt Letha died in 1992 I longed for a child. I knew we would be good parents. Bryan agreed to adoption. It was an arduous experience requiring patience and resilience. We had several birthmothers who changed their minds for different reasons. This process took three years and a great deal of money. Ultimately we were blessed with a baby girl we named Mariah. Our daughter is now 8 years old and the light of our life.

Bryan continues to be my rock, strength and loving support. During our years together I have had many tragedies including: my brother John's suicide in 1988, my ex- husband Joey's death from alcoholism in 1989, and my girlfriend Debra's suicide in 2002. I was hospitalized with a potentially life threatening blood clot in my lungs in 1998. Bryan stood by me through all of these. I married a great guy! I am a fortunate woman to have found true love in the heart of a younger man.

Age is but a notch on the tree of life. Does it really matter that I have more than he. We are all on a spiritual path. We choose lovers, friends and family to mirror our soul's development. Partners of different ages can accelerate this growth. These diverse emotional experiences are opportunities of a lifetime. Let's enjoy them.

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hi

It is really a nice and informative site.

Lisa11

Lisa11 , March 03, 2009

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Excellent

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm a young guy who cannot seem to stray far from dating older women. It seems there is a reason my connection is always so strong with older women as opposed to women my age.

wqj403 , August 22, 2009

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Thank you so much for this lovely article. I'm dating a much younger man myself & am plagued with doubts. I don't doubt my liking for him; just the ability to last in the face of convention. Your words, especially 'we choose lovers, friends and family to mirror our soul's development. Partners of different ages can accelerate this growth' really resonates with me & I think that it's time to go with how I Really feel inside

Zanetta , October 13, 2009

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Thanks

i have no words how can i thank you
for sharing such a lovely story
thanks

SherDil , October 18, 2009

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thankyou

for your beautiful story. I am in love with a younger man . He is beautiful

julieanne , November 19, 2009

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I too am in love with a man 18 years younger than me, and it has been beautiful and healing, but also painful and challenging. This gives me some hope that maybe I can lay aside my fears and truly open to a committed relationship with him. It drives me so crazy that if he were the older man, people wouldn't even be talking about it.
I love him so much, I pray that I can really get to spend my life with him.
Thank you for sharing...

ses , November 22, 2009

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BEAUTIFUL

It's an amazing story.I must share my grandparents story. My grandmother was older 11 years. They were so happy to the end. Also I have a luck for younger men too, but I am a little scared. Reading this story make me more confident. Beautiful.. I am so happy for them. No words to say. Thank you for sharing.

Angelica , November 29, 2009

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thank you

THanks for posting this story. It is so beautiful. I am so happy for you and your husband to have found something so deep and lovely. I am falling in love with a man 6 yrs younger... but because of our age it seems weird at this point to even contemplate us being together... I am 26, he is 20.. I just think he still has alot of living to do. I also have a daughter and am engaged.. my relationship with my fiance is very complicated and miserable at times... we will be starting counseling soon... but i have never felt so in love and happy the way i do with my 20 yr old guy.... what to do? please give me your opinon.

chanel , November 29, 2009

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*sigh*

My husband is exactly 9yrs and 7 mos. younger than me. We were happy on our first year of marriage and we both know we love each other so much up to now. But sometimes... i just dunno how to deal with him. Even though i know that i am once his age but there are really " some " things that he does that really disappointments me

Janine , December 05, 2009

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Thank you

This morning a man referred to my 16 years younger boyfriend/best friend as my son and it jarred me deeply. I was filled all over again with the doubts, wonderings, etc. I came home and googled older woman younger man and came across this posting. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for posting. Everything about our relationship feels right and I am never even aware of our age difference until someone reminds me (not the first time I've been thought his mother! ugh!) It did me a world of good to read your story and for anyone else out there wondering - ignore society! Love is too precious and too hard to find to worry about numbers (or wrinkles!)

chelle , December 07, 2009 | url

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recently, I met a guy who is 16 years younger than me. I am 43 and he is 27. He is so kind to me and makes feel special. He has old school gentleman qualities. More importantly did does not appear to be freaked out by conversations about love and commitment. he does not have a problem with my age but I am little uncomfortable. I googled this topic and came across this article. Thanks so much for sharing, it made me feel like saying go for it!

Hamilton , December 09, 2009

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Inspiring story

I want to join the list of thank-yous. I am unexpectedly dating a younger man who is so surprisingly deep and grounded. He actually lied about his age to me at first, telling me he was 36 instead of 26. I am 38 and newly separated after 12 years of marriage to an alcoholic and was not looking for anything. I was a bit shocked at first, never expecting to date such a younger man (12 years younger than I), but am so grateful for all I am learning from him and all the sweetness he is bringing into my life, it is so refeshing and healing. Your story inspires and gives a real perspective!

add26 , December 13, 2009

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great story

My sweetie and I are at the "what to do next" phase. I love him dearly and he "loves me to death" he is active army and I am Army National Guard and been emploeyed with the same company for years, I deploy next summer and he next fall. So much to consider. Thank you for a well written article!! I am forwarding this to all those naysayers...

tina , December 24, 2009

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I know exactly how you feel

I am also in a similar situation. I am not older than his mother, but other than that, the experiences you have described have mirrored mine... especially how his mother reacted. I hope in time to be able to have a good relationship with her too, because it is important to me.

I have been with my other half for over a year now. We are very committed in our relationship. All the doubts people express - well I experience them too! Trust is the most important thing

He is 26 years younger than I but we are both halves of each other.

I am glad to hear you have made this a success !

Louise , January 01, 2010

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Thank you for sharing such inspiring story. I have falling in love with a man 24 years younger. I have never experienced this feeling before. It feels as we have both known each other forever!! Thank you!! Thank you!!!!

Diana Jeffreys , January 22, 2010

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Thanks for the Inspiration!

I just wanted to say thank you for the inspiration. I'm 43 in love with a 24 year old. I'm white and he's black and we've been friends for 2 years and just recently told each other how much we've wanted to be with each other. I've never been so in love with someone. I would of never thought this to happen but its definitly the best thing that ever happened in my life. I don't ever even think of him as being younger we seem the same age. He's so wonderful to me.

Thanks Vicki

Vicki , January 22, 2010

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Thank You

I would like to add my "thank you" to the previous posts. You have written an very inspiring personal story. I have been in a relationship with a man 15 years younger than I am for 7 1/2 years--since he was 20 and I was 35 (he's now 27 and I'm 42). He has never had a problem with the age difference and has been so passionate, loving, devoted the entire time. I, however, am often plagued with insecurities, all physical. (Superficial, I realize. But there nonetheless.) As my body ages, I have an increased sense of diminished physical worth. Although most people when meeting me think I am in my 30s, I cannot help feeling insecure as I notice the changes to my skin. Does anyone else feel this? If so, how do you deal with it? Overcome it? My partner and I have always had such an intensely passionate sex life, I am afraid it will change the more age manifests itself on my body. Thanks for any responses!

jacqueline , January 23, 2010

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I loved this story

I am 53 years old white, and I have been on two dates with a 34 year old black man. We seem to have such chemistry together, he does't mind the age difference, and he's been a perfect gentleman so far. He is spirual, raised Baptist, and seems to have a level head on his shoulders. He didn't even kiss me good night after our first date, he said he had respect for me. I will continue to see him and hope as this develops that it will grow and we will be as happy, content and spiritual as you are with your husband. God Bless...and thank you for sharing...

Kathy , February 07, 2010

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another thank you!

I also thank you for the wonderful article, you put many of my feelings into words & its nice to know I'm not alone. I am 17 years older than my boyfriend and I worry. I love him so much I would hate to ever hurt him or guide him wrongly. He is willing to give up the opportunity to have children of his own to be with me. He is an active step-father at the moment. Like many of the other younger men mentioned he has no worries about it at all. We've been living together for 2 years and are really madly in love. This is by far the best relationship I've ever been involved in - & not just the sex life! lol He is supportive, understanding, kind & fun to be with. We want to get married but I'm afraid of his mother! She's a very nice woman and is always kind to me but I want the moms to be happy when we marry. Its great to hear some success stories... Some of you have been together for years and are still happy. And yes, it is very hard to be confident about your physical appearance. No fair, I looked great at HIS age! He thinks I still do. Silly fella.

the older woman , February 09, 2010

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wonderful story

i too googled this subject as i am in a relationship for 2 years now with a man 19 years younger than myself.(im 39 and hes 20)he is the most caring person i have ever met in my life, and he is not afraid to show me his feelings, we are very open with each other, i have never felt so free to express myself than i do with him. i do worry about my body issues and how age will affect me physically when he is still so young. talking about it with him he just holds me and tells me he loves me and dont care about such things... but i cant get that out of my mind. im more worried about it than he is, the same with everything else. i do not feel an age gap when we are together, its when others point it out.

all his family are wonderful and im 2 years older than his mother and shes happy that he is happy, so i know im lucky there. just wish i could relax a bit more, and not worry about 10 years from now but take it as it comes.

lis , March 01, 2010

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