To a narcissist-employer, the members of his "staff" are Secondary Sources of Narcissistic Supply. Their role is to accumulate the supply (in human speak, remember events that support the grandiose self-image of the narcissist) and to regulate the Narcissistic Supply of the narcissist during dry spells (simply put, to adulate, adore, admire, agree, provide attention and approval and so on or, in other words, be an audience). The staff (or should we say "stuff"?) is supposed to remain passive. The narcissist is not interested in anything but the simplest function of mirroring. When the mirror acquires a personality and a life of its own, the narcissist is incensed. When independent minded, an employee might be in danger of being sacked by his employer (an act which demonstrates the employer's omnipotence).

The employee's presumption to be the employer's equal (friendship is possible only among equals) injures the latter narcissistically. The employer is willing to accept his employees as underlings, whose very position serves to support his grandiose fantasies. But the grandiosity rests on such fragile foundations, that any hint of equality, disagreement or need (that the narcissist "needs" friends, for instance) threatens the narcissist profoundly. The narcissist is exceedingly insecure. It is easy to destabilise his impromptu "personality". His reactions are merely in self-defence.

Classic narcissistic behaviour is when idealisation is followed by devaluation. The devaluing attitude develops as a result of disagreements OR simply because time has eroded the employee's capacity to serve as a FRESH Source of Supply.

The employee, taken for granted by the narcissistic employer, becomes uninspiring as a source of adulation, admiration and attention. The narcissist always seeks new thrills and stimuli.

The narcissist is notorious for his low threshold of resistance to boredom. His behaviour is impulsive and his biography tumultuous precisely because of his need to introduce uncertainty and risk to what he regards as "stagnation" or "slow death" (i.e., routine). Most interactions in the workplace are part of the rut – and thus constitute a reminder of this routine – deflating the narcissist's grandiose fantasies.

Narcissists do many unnecessary, wrong and even dangerous things in pursuit of the stabilisation of their inflated self-image.

Narcissists feel suffocated by intimacy, or by the constant reminders of the REAL, nitty-gritty world. It reduces them, makes them realise the Grandiosity Gap (between their self-image and reality). It is a threat to the precarious balance of their personality structures (mostly "false", that is, invented) and treated as such.

Narcissists forever shift the blame, pass the buck, and engage in cognitive dissonance. They "pathologise" the other, foster feelings of guilt and shame in her, demean, debase and humiliate in order to preserve their sense of grandiosity.

Narcissists are pathological liars. They think nothing of it because their very self is FALSE, an invention.

Here are a few useful guidelines:

• Never disagree with the narcissist or contradict him;
• Never offer him any intimacy;
• Look awed by whatever attribute matters to him (for instance: by his professional achievements or by his good looks, or by his success with women and so on);
• Never remind him of life out there and if you do, connect it somehow to his sense of grandiosity ("These are the BEST art materials ANY workplace is going to have", "We get them EXCLUSIVELY", etc.);
• Do not make any comment, which might directly or indirectly impinge on his self-image, omnipotence, judgement, omniscience, skills, capabilities, professional record, or even omnipresence. Bad sentences start with: "I think you overlooked ... made a mistake here ... you don't know ... do you know ... you were not here yesterday so ... you cannot ... you should ... (perceived as rude imposition, narcissists react very badly to restrictions placed on their freedom) ... I (never mention the fact that you are a separate, independent entity, narcissists regard others as extensions of their selves, their internalisation processes were derailed and they did not differentiate properly)... " You get the gist of it.

Can the Narcissist be harnessed? Can his energies be channeled productively?

This would be a deeply flawed - and even dangerous - "advice". Various management gurus purport to teach us how to harness this force of nature known as malignant or pathological narcissism. Narcissists are driven, visionary, ambitious, exciting and productive, says Michael Maccoby, for instance. To ignore such a resource is a criminal waste. All we need to do is learn how to "handle" them.

Yet, this prescription is either naive or disingenuous. Narcissists cannot be "handled", or "managed", or "contained", or "channeled". They are, by definition, incapable of team work. They lack empathy, are exploitative, envious, haughty and feel entitled, even if such a feeling is commensurate only with their grandiose fantasies. Narcissists dissemble, conspire, destroy and self-destruct. Their drive is compulsive, their vision rarely grounded in reality, their human relations a calamity. In the long run, there is no enduring benefit to dancing with narcissists - only ephemeral and, often, fallacious, "achievements".

Additional Online Resources

• Narcissism in the Boardroom
• New Narc City
• Bully at Work - Interview with Tim Field
• Bully Online

Bibliography

Guntrip, Harry. Personality Structure and Human Interaction. New York, International Universities Press, 1961

Horovitz M. J. Stress Response Syndromes: PTSD, Grief and Adjustment Disorders. 3rd Ed. New York, NY University Press, 1998

Jacobson, Edith. The Self and the Object World. New York, International Universities Press, 1964

Millon, Theodore. Personality Disorders in Modern Life. New York, John Wiley and Sons, 2000

Vaknin, Sam. Malignant Self-Love – Narcissism Revisited. Skopje and Prague, Narcissus Publications, 1999, 2007

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I am quitting my job because of my boss

This article is the exact replica of my boss. I never know what I am going to get into each day. I am so afraid of what to say to her in the morning, and i never never say she did something wrong. then she tries to be the class clown, and tell funny stories about the illegal things she use to do when she was a kid,growing up in staten island, and how her father was sort of "connected." so i play a big actress role when i am at work. I will be quitting soon, and i am going to apply for unemployment.

savannah , October 11, 2009 | url

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?????????//

Working for the intelligence community the "Mobbing", "Adult bullying", "narcissistic boss" becomes an Orwellian nightmare. The very best and the very, very, very worst of people are attracted to the intell community. It is widely known that the Security people of such places like NSA are far, far, far down on the intellect scale, and are most are failed jocks, former school bullies, failed police, failed FBI, in general, failed human beings, men with issues, and often men who have had restraining orders put on them by girlfriends, ex-wives, etc. with a psychotic chip on their shoulders. Their fathers were Neanderthals, their fathers' fathers were Neanderthals, and the nut doesn't fall far from the tree. Often a petty dirtbag analyst will threaten another, "do it my way or I and a couple friends will make up somethin to go to Security about you". And that is a serious threat, because Security loves the scent of blood. Any two people telling the dumbest, most outrageous lie, with no evidence to support it, and loads to disprove it can still get an innocent person fired... especially in today's atmosphere of psychotic paranoia. If NSA Security people can't FIND evidence, they simply make it up to frame someone with. Doubt this? See http://www/rense.com/general67/neo.htm for info on how Bush era Security dirtbags created a one-trick pony to oust innocent individuals some megalomaniac had a beef against. It has been and still is successfully being used to railroad honest, innocent people out of their Federal careers, skirting and making a joke of whistel blower protection laws and labor laws. Not to mention, the NSA Security obsession with attacking its own because Neanderthals can't tell a terrorist from a bag of cheetos, endangers everyone. NSA Security is a bag of rabid, brainless, vicious half-wit bullies with no restraints or controls on them whatsoever. And they protect the same type within NSA management, making it a nightmare of narcissists and vicious, dihonest, depraved bullies wholly concentrating on oppressing the NSA body of workers to allow managerial excesses and illegal, extra-judicial kingdom building. And Congress wants to give NSA DOMESTIC POWERS TO SURVEIL YOU.

K.M. Stewart , February 20, 2010

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Louding Accenting the Negative & Ignoring Top Performance is a form of abuse of another kind

My Supervisor accents the negative and ignores the positive in my work performance. I frequently am number 1 in Inside Sales but she does plays that and looks for the tiniest mistakes to loudly broadcast in a demeaning way to the whole office. She rushed to judgment and loudly criticized something she thought I had done in my database only to learn it was not me but someone who took over when I was out on leave. Her whole tone changed with the other person to a softer quieter voice and demeanor. I have defended others when they are verbally mocked or harassed by this Supervisor but I have no one that will speak up even when they witnessed something she has falsely accused me of not doing on my paper work. I came to that office with such a positive attitude and looked for the good in everyone and find encouraging things to say about them but only got verbally slapped down at the slightest mistake. I was a minute late after 1yr. and got written up and called into a meeting. I am getting anxiety and not sleeping for day. I only hope I can get another job before I walk off and never look back.
When others ask a question she quietly answers in a soft tone but with me her voice is harsh and loud so that every word can be heard. It got to the point that others would join in mocking or belittling me. I went to the Manager of the Dept who basically said I was being too sensitive and defensive.
As of now I am looking for another job.

DJJ , March 04, 2010

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How to cope with abuse in the workplace

The boss/owner of my very small company (11 people) attacks everyone via email usually between 10 pm and 4 am. He is belittling, cruel, questioning intelect (everyone has at least one advanced degree and some have two (Ph.D., PhEds) and when someone in my office receives one of these emails - this is a weekly event at least - the tention in the office is so distracting it is difficult to work. I don't have to be told when someone gets a midnight nastygram, these usually brillant people and reduced to a deflating balloon. He has brought grown men to tears. There is no HR to go to except me and him He is just not aware of what he has done wrong when someone actually has the guts to call him on it.
I have cautioned him, when he interviews a candidate that he must tell them that he is a real asshat so they know up front.
I am lucky enough to have only received 3 or 4 of these in the last 6 years (a record in this company), I usually take an unexpected week of vacation when I do. It is so passive aggressive but you gotta fight fire with fire, right?
It is so discouraging to see all of my colleagues actuall afraid of their email

mahons , June 22, 2010 | url

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