When a person asks you who do you think chronically lies, there are a few answers that come to my mind, and that I have heard in various surveys. Some of these are (In no special order):

• Lawyers
• Con men
• Adulterers
• Criminals
• Petty thieves
• Hustlers
• Car salesmen

If you notice, this list includes people who would essentially "Lie for a living." If you were to take it to the extreme.

However, these are extreme over-generalizations, and the majority of people in these groups,while I do not deny lie occasionally as a way to reach their goal, I would also ask a much simpler question of everyone else: Who among you has not done the same?

So, with this in mind, I would like to focus on the person who TRULY chronically lies. These people do not need a reason to lie. They are not lying to avoid trouble, to obtain financial gain, or better themselves necessarily. They are lying for the sake of lying, and oftentimes are not even realizing they are doing it. These are in fact the masters of deception that are the chronic liars.

It has been hypothesized that chronic or pathological lying is not a mental disorder of it's own. In fact, it is not recognized in the DSM-IV (The Diagnostic Manual used to describe mental illnesses). Instead, it is viewed as a symptom of another mental disorder that is present, such as delusional thinking, psychopathy, or narcissism.

However, we are now looking at studies of pathological liars over the last 100 years, and a number of conclusions have been made, some obvious, others not. The first is that the reasons for lying may have a serious problem behind them, while others are benign. When no underlying mental illness can be found, then the focus of "Why does this successful, otherwise well-adjusted person feel the compulsion to fabricate stories?"

We do know that in a normal, healthy person, some lying and deception is normal, and starts at about the age of 5 or 6 years old. It continues through adulthood, and most adults will tell small lies on a weekly or even daily basis to get through their days, using harmless and inconsequential lies. In one research study at the University of Massachusetts, people wore a recording device for 3 days, and at the end tallied up the number of lies they told. The average rate of lies as 3 in every 10 minutes of conversation.

The nature of these lies falls into what is known as the "white lie" category. These are used for a number of purposes:

• To avoid hurting another person's feelings
• To cover up our own embarrassments
• To reassure the needlessly anxious
• To spare unnecessary headaches

When does social "white lying" become a problem? When it becomes the first line of defense – the first tool used a coping strategy.

There are a number of other key items to look for when evaluating whether a person is suffering from a case of chronic lying. First, if they lie to avoid something, be it a test, a deadline or project, and then need to have the lie proliferate on itself in order to be believed, and it keeps growing, is a sign. Secondly, chronic liars change their stories when caught out, and support the new story with another lie. Finally, when a person lies for no reason at all, there is no gain, no motivation to lie.

It is believed that there may be a neurological defect in those who are chronic liars. They generally have highly developed verbal skills and a slight impairment of the frontal lobe. These frontal lobes are basically our "editors" that censor what we say, which may be indicative of some of the behavior in SOME cases. This is because we sometimes run two consciousnesses in our mind – reality as it exists, and reality as we would like it to be. For those with frontal lobe difficulty, reality as we would like it to be may come out instead of reality as it is.

The reason I said this is the case in SOME people, is that in others, the telling of tales eeks them out their 15 minutes of fame. It allows them to stand out, to be interesting. And the more they receive, they more they want. Additionally, others feel they cannot live up to the expectations of others, so they invent stories to match what they feel others expect from them, With all of these reasons, this may be why no easy cure is on the horizon. Chronic lying seems to stem from either a biological basis or from a rung on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Thus, if we can identify a biological basis, this can be treated in that person. Otherwise, it will take therapy to help identify what is missing from the person's life, and how they can fill it in a more socially acceptable manner that will prevent them from being further ostracized, leading to more lying, in a vicious cycle.

When we deal with children specifically, there are any number of reasons they may lie, and some may even be acceptable. Whatever the reason, however, it should be taken seriously, as problem lying can cause problems at school, with friends, and disrupt the family life. It may even begin to lay the groundwork for problems later in life.

Lies generally not a serious problem, unless they are habitual (the child regularly lies) or compulsive (lies for no specific reasons). As with many other problems, addressing the issue early can be the most effective way from preventing it from becoming a worse problem or a pathological lying problem.

It isn't until age 5 or 6 when children begin to lie due to understanding consequences for actions, and feel guilt for misdeeds, especially those that disappoint their parents. They may also expand on stories or fib in order to get attention. At 7-8, the most common reasons for lying are to avoid punishment or to avoid having to do a disliked task.

When adolescence arrives, new significance can be assigned to lies, and parents generally become more alarmed. The adolescent is more skilled at telling lies. However, this is a time when we should not assume that the adolescent is trying to hide something done wrong. They may be attempting to gain privacy, establish independence, avoid embarrassment or protect another's feelings. This is not to say they are not going to be trying to avoid punishment, chores, or gain items they could not otherwise have.

When does lying become a serious problem? When it is habitual or compulsive, and is used as a major strategy for dealing with difficult situations there is cause for concern. Pathological or chronic lying may be a bad habit the child needs help breaking, but could also be a sign that they are unable to tell right from wrong. This may be especially true if they appear to have no remorse about lying. If the lying is comorbid (associated with) other actions such as skipping school, fighting, stealing, or cheating, it may be they have another disorder such as ADHD, conduct disorder or a learning disorder.

Written by :

DerekW

 

Set as favorite

Bookmark

Email this

Hits: 70883

Trackback(0)

TrackBack URI for this entry

Comments (27)

Subscribe to this comment's feed

 1 2 > 

my daughter

my daughter is 14 and i constantly catch her telling lies. right now she is in a fight with three girls at her school because they have caught her in a lie. She skipped school today because she is afraid to face the girls. She went to bed last night upset, and this morning when i called her from work, she answered hysterically crying. These girls have literally made everyone at her lunch table move so she cant sit with them. At this point, i am beside myself with what i can do to help her .My daughter RARELY cries and this has her extremely upset. Have any suggestions ? Thanks.

stop.lying , October 29, 2009 | url

• 
• +5
• 
• 

...

You should contact the school's guidance counselor and explain to her the situation. The counselor will call in all of the girls involved and get to the bottom of things. He/She will also help the girls to find a resolution to whatever has gone on. Additionally, your daughter will benefit from one on one guidance from the counselor. This would be a start.

Loretta Perkins , November 27, 2009

• 
• +0
• 
• 

...

hi,My daughter is 25 years old and have the habit of lying.She has the problems in marital life because of that and she is trying a lot to get out of the habit,but not able to.She is facing a lot of problems because of the habit.What i feel is she has lots of fantasies and she is trying to get the feel of tht by lying.Please let me know what can be done.i want my daughter to be happy and have a gud life.

Vijaya , December 13, 2009

• 
• +11
• 
• 

Mr

I seem to be a chronic liar and some people in work say it that
is why I looked up on Internet. I'm 27 I seem to a habit of doing it.
wat should I do? I seem to lie for even stupid things and I mean lies
I tell don't do any damage I'm not a bad person, if anything I'm too
nice but still lie for the sake of it?
Wat do I do?

Dj , December 13, 2009

• 
• +3
• 
• 

EMT

mr. It seems you are a nice yough man, i myself have a son about your age. I'm going to tell you what I would tell him.You Only have yourself to control you month and tongh. You will make alot more friend being honest with them than by lieing. If they catch you in a lie they won't trust you and the bond is then put into question...From reading what you wrote. You are in need of sound advice. thats what I offer. signed mom of six from ages 25 to 5 years old.have a good day

angela , December 16, 2009

• 
• +0
• 
• 

How do people stumble over themselves with multiple lies at the same time!

I am accomplished singer recharging my career! Recently I had the chance to work with some really good performers and producers! I met two ladies during the past months! Both claim to have high or heavy connections in the entertainment industry! They promise all these things that they can and will do for me! Yet in the short time I have known these ladies! I have literally watched them actually tell multiple lies, one on top of the other at the same time! Issues and events and people that were supposed to happen and/or be beneficial to me! Come to find out they turn cold as ice and bad mouth to me! When they can obviously see that I have caught onto their elaborate cons and story telling! Why do people waste so much hard earned energy making life difficult, instead of directing that high energy into truly helping and supporting and doing what they say they would do? Does thes types of people pick certain people out of the crowd to tell their lies and manipulation too! They feel these chosen people are weak or naive! So they must be good targets? Any ideas?Thank you! Kind regards!

Caryn K MacPhadyn , January 13, 2010

• 
• +1
• 
• 

...

hi um i need some help on a research paper on serial killers if any1 could send me some info or give me some resources that would be great!# is 575 538 5716 new mexico time call between 3 or 4

:) Report , January 27, 2010

• 
• +0
• 
• 

...

all of my friends that i consider to be my closest friends think that i have 3 sisters and a brother. i am 16 and i have one brother and no other siblings. i have kept this particular lie alive for over 4 years. this isn't the only lie that all of my friends and acquaintances believe is true about me. there are many. i seem to have no trouble at all backing up my lies or making people believe them. it is not that i dont think that i have a problem because i really do want to stop lying but i am in so deep that i'm afraid i will lose everyone in my life if i tell anyone the truth. my major motivation seems to be to get sympathy for things that don't exsist. i have no clue what to do. it seems like i have to start the last 4 or 5 years of my life over to get out of this hole.

*** , February 17, 2010

• 
• +0
• 
• 

...

one of my friend lied to me about lots of thing. like he kept telling me about his elder brother who don't exist.And he even use to pretend in front of me that he is talking to him on phone.Then, he lied to me that he has bought a ring for his girlfriend and what not.When i come to know that he lied about all these things i asked for a reason behind telling so many lies but even on asking everytime he said that he himself don't know why he did so. he was my best friend but as I hate people lying to me i no longer see him nor can i ever be his friend again. but please if you can help me regarding how to help that person please do reply on my id.
thanx
m waiting for your help!!!!!!!!

sara oberoi , March 04, 2010

• 
• +2
• 
• 

Normal people do not lie every 10 minutes.

Someone is going to a lot of trouble to make excuses for these people. I seriously doubt if the normal person goes around lying every 10 min. as suggested in this article. This sounds like a Liberal college professor's outlook on the world and justification as to it being OK to do this. Lying is sign that the person doing it can not be trusted and are a danger to all those around them who are being fed faulty data to cause them to make mistakes in their life decicions. This is not the way a considerate "normal" person with a conscience would function. Lying is always a serious disorder and certainly not a normal part of the life of a normal person.

Can't find any "terms of usage" on this page to agree to so do i have to lie?

Ed , March 05, 2010

• 
• +0
• 
• 

Yes, people operating within normal parameters do not lie every 10 mins.

Lying hurts everyone around the liar. I have a room mate and I am kicking him out because he lies too much. He is a habitual liar who will lie to: cover up his mistakes, cover up his petty thievery, for financial gain, to avoid taking responsibility for his actions, to con people into giving him what he wants even if it means they are making decisions based on his lies which are affecting their own lives in a negative way, etc. He doesn't care how he affects other people's lives. This is an older man, he is no kid. I am afraid of him because if he could lie about little things when does it end? Where does he draw the line, if any? I think liars are capable of other antisocial acts besides the lying. I will check my roommates more carefully in the future but there is sometimes no way to tell unless the person has a criminal record or bad credit how do you know? What are the red flags, if any? This whole thing gives me the creeps. BTW whoever thinks it is normal to lie every ten minutes has a screw loose, that just sounds like a rationalization for dishonesty--and dishonesty is nothing but a negative, destructive cultural idiosyncrasy. Why not create a more authentic, honest culture instead of making excuses for a dishonest one?

lisarose , March 10, 2010

• 
• +0
• 
• 

My son is a habitual liar

My son lies all the time but mainly when he is in trouble. I'm trying to determine if its habitual or chronic but it's a SERIOUS problem that I have lectured him abt over the years but it doesnt seem to get better and its gotten worse. I can no longer believe anything that comes out of his mouth and I'm afraid that it will lead down the wrong path. He's already in counseling because of the lying & destructive behavior when he doesnt get his way. My child is a spoiled brat and it has led to all types of problems at school and home. I'm not sure if the therapist is going to help because of a mtg I had w/him and my son and it seemed as if I was being blamed and that my son's behaviors were normal and he was giving excuses for and even speaking for him in explaining why certain behaviors occurred. My son is very manipulative and he has the dr thinking that there is nothing wrong. I feel like I'm raising a future criminal because he has NO remorse for lying even after discussions we've had abt consequences. BTW, he's 12 soon to be 13.

Angela , March 11, 2010 | url

• 
• +6
• 
• 

A lie every ten minutes of conversation....sounds about right.

lisarose and Ed,

Did you miss the point about these 10 minute lies being "white" lies?

"Honey, do these jeans make me look fat?"
Of course not dear!....(its not the jeans... its the lard on your arsss!)"

"I wrote this poem. Do you like it?"
"Its interesting ...(if your a two year old)."

"Daddy, Daddy! I climbed that tree all the way to the second branch! Am I a good tree climber, daddy?"
"You bet you are sweetheart! (Well, on the scale of children your age and how high they can climb on average your probably in the bottom 25%...)".

White lies are harmless and normal and in many cases much less harmfull than the truth.

Damon , March 11, 2010

• 
• +0
• 
• 

Mom

My mother is 57years old and has been lying for as long as I can remember. She has some mental disorders, but has never been diagnosed. Her behavior is unstable to say the least. I believe she is scitzophrantic . But like I said has never seen a phsyciatrist. She lies all the time about the smallest things to huge rediculousw lies. The other day I asked her if she heard what happens down the street from me, because there was a crime scene investigation van in front of the house, she lied and said a 35 year old woman gave birth to a baby in her bathroom and then through it out the window! That never happened!!! I am beside myself. I don't know what to do, I can't take the lying anymore.

Brooke , March 13, 2010

• 
• +1
• 
• 

lying to stay free of boredom...

I've been dating this 28 year old guy who is a single child to both his mom and dad. His mom is a very nice person who does just about everything for him. I've been dating him since January and ever since he has been lying to me about the most childish things...he told me his ex-girlfriend had aids among other things. I confronted him and he thought it was funny...he tells people one thing and then comes and tells me something completely different. I want to just quit and walk away, but i care about him and I want to help (if i can and he allows me) him to not lie. I'm a single child and i also bite my nails at times...what can I do to help, or should i just walk away?

maria , March 27, 2010

• 
• +0
• 
• 

HELP

My wife and I are in the middle of a divorce because I cheated on her. The divorce is not final but I started to see someone else, but broke it off with her and started to hangout with my ex. When my wife found out that I saw someone else I lied when confronted and continued to do so when questioned further. How do I stop lying? I know it hurts her and my son. I know I need help. What can I do to get help?

someone help , April 06, 2010 | url

• 
• +1
• 
• 

Liars hurt friends and family

I totally agree with Ed: "Lying is sign that the person doing it can not be trusted and are a danger to all those around them who are being fed faulty data to cause them to make mistakes in their life decicions. This is not the way a considerate "normal" person with a conscience would function. Lying is always a serious disorder and certainly not a normal part of the life of a normal person."
Sadly, my husband whom I loved very dearly lied to me about things that could have ended up putting my life in danger and did. He has Borderline Personality Disorder and Bi-Polar disorder and his chronic lying has caused untold pain to not only me but his mother and siblings. He has brought shame and disgrace on a proud family and even when caught continues to lie. Decisions made by friends and family were made without the knowledge that he was lying about almost everything.

There is a difference between a "white lie" told to save someone hurt feelings because their jeans are too tight and lying to cover up deceit and even crimes and just lying in general about everything. It destroys trust and sometimes endangers health and wrecks relationships.

Serenity , April 09, 2010

• 
• +0
• 
• 

Sticky Situation.

Well. Being 13 and all is more pressure on me than ever. My friends keep on getting more and more stuff and keep and leaving me out when they are with the "Popular" kids. I've lied one time before to hide the fact why I was crying. My friends forgave me because I told them the truth. But now I have gotten myself in a big mess and I feel that I am not going to be able to stop lying and it scares me. What can I do with out anyone's help but mine. I want to keep my friends and they can trust me with secrets just I lie...more than I should. I feel sometimes the world is caving in on me and has made me more tired and easily sick.

Bear , April 09, 2010

• 
• -1
• 
• 

My "sister"

Okay so i have a "sister" that i hate calling my "sister" just because she has lied about almost everything! I'm 15 years old and she has been lying since? i really don't know. But she has lied about my parents "abusing her, her old boy friend abusing her, she has recently just told some of her friends that my dad is dying in the hospital and he only has a year to live" (not true at all, he his a healthy man) she says that shes "been on a travel soccer team, and that shes the best" when really she has never played a single sport in her life. she has moments when she tells people that she has the best life ever. then she has moments when she says her life is horrible and she "needs help" She tries telling people that me, her little sister, smokes and blah! I get so frustrated because people think that she is just the nicest person in the world and no one use to believe me, until a couple of weeks ago. A girl named Zoey came up to me and said " Hey i just wanted to know that i don't hate you, i said what? she said your sister told me that you think i hate you and that i give you dirty looks." Of course everything she was telling me was a lie. She told me that some of her clothes are missing and that my "sister" says she doesn't know were they could of went? Alisha, my "sister has once stole 2,000 dollars from my parents and would just randomly steal clothes from me. Almost everyday i have to hear something new about her, about her lies, shes telling people lies after lies but now people are starting to see she is lying and i hate to say this but i love it, because there comes a certain point in someones life when u have to give up and this is time for me to give up! Zoey told me that just one week ago 100 dollars came up missing at her house. I said hate to say it but i told you so. Zoey wants to kick her out but she feels bad that she would have to that. To me Alisha has been just a huge road block in the road for me, honestly i have never liked Alisha and i hate saying that but its true. Shes always had a grudge against me because my parents were never able to just her. and they have full trust for me. I have on the honor society play all varsity sports. and she just seems to hate it. But i cant help who i am. No one in my family have talked to her since Christmas 2009 but i see her everywhere. Last time i seen her was at a party about 3 days ago. We do not speak because she knows that i know everything that shes lied about and she embarrassed. She told Zoey not to talk to me at all because she doesn't want me and Zoey to "argue" I don't know why she would say that but she did. But zoey talked to me and now doesn't believe her, there are more people that have told me things that she has said to them and i get embarrassed because i have to tell them that she is lying and no one understands why she lies. But there is nothing i can do about it.

ashley c. s , May 19, 2010

• 
• +0
• 
• 

my neighbor lies a lot

My neighbor lies 99% of the time. Worse yet, he'll repeat lies many times that was already exposed as lies. The part of the brain that should normally function doesn't seem to exist in this guy - the part which should know better than repeat a lie that was already exposed as a lie, but this guy does it ANYWAY and chronically!

john _ w , May 31, 2010

• 
• +0
• 
• 

 1 2 > 

Write comment

You can add your comment here