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  • Asperger's Syndrome in Adults
  • Working To Come To Terms with Asperger's
  • Sex and Depression - The Real Story
  • The Loss of Joy: Anhedonia
  • All About Schizophrenia
  • Depression: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

Asperger Syndrome is an Autism Spectrum Disorder (or Pervasive Developmental Disorder) characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviors and interests. Those with Asperger Syndrome, or AS, may exhibit a lack of empathy for their peers, clumsiness, and atypical use of language, though none of these symptoms are required for a diagnosis.1

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The pain of coming to terms with having Asperger's is still very real for me right now. There is a tremendous sense of grief. Grief for all that I suffered through to try to be "normal" and grief for how short of "normal" I always have been. There is also great relief to know that I am not crazy and that not everything can be traced back to an abusive past in the sense that some of what I experience is not choice/emotional but neurons/physical. The greatest challenge I face right now is trying to figure out which is which. This is not easy.

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One of the most common side effects of a number of antidepressant medications is loss of sex drive. I could forgive our friends at fine companies such as Eli Lilly, Bristol Meyers Squibb, and Pfizer if dry mouth, irritability, disrupted sleep patterns, loss of appetite, sloth, and social phobia were the sole issues related to the medications I take on a daily basis. However, it is the sex thing I find most challenging.

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Anhedonia is the technical term for the inability to experience joy. When people are in the depths of depression, nothing touches them, not the most intensely pleasurable activities, not the most familiar comforts. They are emotionally frozen. In this state, people either have to get professional help or simply wait for weeks or months until the depression lifts by itself; nothing is going to make them feel better.

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Schizophrenia is a mental illness which affects one person in every hundred.

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Depression is perhaps the most common of all mental health problems, currently felt to affect one in every four adults to some degree. Depression is a problem with mood/feeling in which the mood is described as sad, feeling down in the dumps, being blue, or feeling low. While the depressed mood is present, evidence is also present which reflects the neurochemical or "brain chemistry" aspects of depression with the depressed individual experiencing poor concentration/attention, loss of energy, accelerated thought/worry, sleep/appetite disturbance, and other physical manifestations. When this diagnosis is present, the individual will exhibit at least five of the following symptoms during the depressive periods:

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Have you ever said to yourself, "The reason God doesn't love me is I don't deserve to be loved?"

Have you ever looked inside to discover why you might not be loving to yourself and answered with, "I'm not worthy of love"?

I hear this all the time from my clients. It is often one of the major false beliefs of the ego wounded self.

What exactly does this mean? When I ask people the question, "Why don't you deserve love?" they say, "I don't know. I guess if I deserved love, I would have been loved."

So the conclusion they came to is that they must not be worthy of love because they weren't loved - a huge false conclusion.

"Is there any baby born on the planet that isn't worthy of love?" I ask them. "Do deformed or handicapped babies deserve love?"

"Of course," they always answer.

"Do dogs and cats deserve love?"

"Of course."

"If a puppy has been abandoned and is in a shelter, does he or she deserve love?"

"Well, yes."

"Then why don't you?"

When they see that it makes no sense that they don't deserve love, then they have to grapple with the real issue, which is that even though they are worthy of love, they weren't loved.

"So were you not loved because you didn't deserve love, or because your parents or caregivers didn't know how to love you?"

This, of course, is the real issue. It's easier to tell ourselves that we don't deserve love - which then makes it our fault and gives us a feeling of control over not being loved - than to open to the loneliness, helplessness, and heartbreak of not being loved.

"Think about that little baby you were who never felt loved. Does that baby deserve to be loved by you now? Is there anything about the baby in you that isn't worthy of love?"

"No. No of course not."

"Are you willing to learn to give that baby the love you never had and still need?"

"Yes. Yes I am."

"And, when you start to love that baby in you, and then learn to love the toddler and then learn to love your wounded self, do you know what will happen?"


"You will know that you deserve to be loved! And you will begin to feel the passion and aliveness that comes from learning to love yourself."

This is the conundrum for many people: You can't heal from the core shame belief that you don't deserve to be loved until you decide to love yourself, but you might not decide to love yourself as long as you believe you are unworthy of love. Many of my clients are more able to start to learn to love themselves when they think of loving the tiny baby in them, rather than the 5-year-old or an adolescent. So starting with the baby might be a very good place to start.

"But I don't know how," is often the next thing I hear. If they have children, they can't get away with this false belief!

"You don't have to know how," I tell them. "You just need to be willing to learn. When I had my first child, I didn't know how. I was an only child and I was rarely around babies. But I wanted to be a loving mother so I learned how. I read books. I talked with other mothers. And I listen to and trusted my heart."

At that time I didn't know how to consciously connect with my Guidance, but now I tell them, "Open to learning with your Guidance. When you really want to be loving to the baby, your Guidance will show you how."

You CAN heal your core shame, and you CAN learn to love yourself. Start with learning to love your inner baby and notice how much better you feel!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Parent Category: Topics
Category: Relationships


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